Revelation station here- the haze begins to lift. So hard to express or convey exactly what I have felt over the last year or so, and exactly whats sprouting within me right now. My new eyes are growing in, so to speak, and I am on the verge of tasting so many new pleasures and experiences I have never had before. Let me digress for a moment.... I'll try to be semi-short. About a year and a half ago my job and life in Boulder began to feel like it was beginning to run it's course. Everything started to feel out of alignment. My body begin feeling stagnated and my natural energy felt drained. My lust for walks and nature and creative expression started dwindling, and all the things I loved started to feel significantly more like a task or to-do than a pleasure. Everyday, even on the weekends, I would wake up with a to-do list in my mind. I started to feel in constant state of "what's next" "get 'er done" and "can't stop" mindset. When I had art commissions, something had to give, and that was often my time outdoors or my trips to the gym. My natural vitality suffered. Because I wanted to paint and felt my creativity surge in the evenings, I would stay up late, not getting adequate sleep - And then the tiredness would make work feel harder. I would pound at least 16 oz of coffee in the morning to get the zest I needed to do my job well- because my stubborn Leo wouldn't let me admit anything was "not working." As much as I swore it would never happen to me in this town with a mere 40-hr/week job (many of my friends work far beyond that), I had completely fallen into the American rat race. The Universe was telling me in every way that it was time, but my loyalty to my work and my "shoulds" often won out in my mind over my gut "nos" and my "this isn't working anymore." And so it was. The truth is it probably would have been in my best interest to walk away a year ago -to leave Boulder and move more toward my true purpose and path. And I didn't. But now I know. I know that for my fiery little Leo self, a desk job is probably not where it's at. My body craves movement, expression, feeling fulfilled physically, and feeling mentally satisfied when I lay down to bed at night. My mind and spirit yearn for challenge, leadership and making a difference I can see and feel everyday. I also need diversity. New sights, new scenery, new faces, new obstacles. I hope to never again stay with something that has run it's course- be that a city, a job, or a relationship. For all my fellow "little stubborns," it is OK to admit to yourself that something isn't working anymore, and to move on. As much as your critical voice may want to tell you it's giving up or quitting- it's not. It's keeping it fresh, and it is being both smart and healthy. Diversity, challenge and variety are so much of what keeps us alive, what inspires us to grow and change and blossom and what helps us gain awareness. If you have ever traveled, or planted yourself in an unknown city, or taken a totally different job turn, you know what I mean. With every step outside the comfort zone you take, you grow in ways that you could never, ever imagine, and opportunities arise that wouldn't have if you hadn't taken the leap. Look at Forrest Gump- a very diverse and fulfilling life he led. And it's different strokes for different folks- whatever tickles your pickle. Routine and monotony are a subtlety beautiful part of life, especially as we grow older- but it's up to you how much you sink into the safety of things and decide to stop challenging yourself in your daily routine.
